Morning! I’m sorry for not blogging anymore today, however, I hope you will be able to understand after today’s post. As many of you have realised I am very close to my family and some of you might wonder why when I speak of my “family” I refer only to my brother and father. That’s because unfortunately my mother is no longer with us.

On the 30th of June 2009 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were told that it was the “mildest” version of breast cancer and that they hoped after surgery, chemotherapy and radiation that she would be without it and we could continue our lives. After a nine month long cure she was. As far as we were aware. In May 2010 she collapsed completely into my fathers arms. He rushed her to hospital without any sign of her waking up. For the next 48 hours she was fast asleep. Within this time I experienced the worst memories of my life. My father called me that evening and told me that not only had she collapsed, the cancer that we thought were gone had spread to the brain and most likely she would never wake up. This was 2 weeks prior to my first exam in England and I had just received visitors from Norway, however, the same night I was on a flight back home.

When she woke up again we rushed her to the hospital in Oslo and I stayed with her for the following week until I had to return to England to complete my exams. The next year consisted of chemotherapy and radiation to slow down the cancer in the best possible way. Following all the medication she was taking came several epileptic attacks. She became gradually worse. In May last year, whilst she was at out cabin with my dad, she fell and broke her hip. That would be the last time she was outside hospital walls. My dad phoned me an told me he had brought her to the hospital for surgery. It all went well. However, the disease had spread so much that the mother I knew was gone. Her opinions, her determination and her character had been taken. The chances of her hip healing were minimal and she would have to stay in a care home if she wanted to continue her journey. My mother told us, when she was still at her senses a year back, that she would never, ever want to rest in a care home. Therefore we had to make the decision to cut off her medicine and leave her to intravenous therapy. However, this caused her to have epileptic attacks and in order to avoid them we had to cut off her intravenous therapy.

From the time they cut off both she would have maximum a week to live. When my dad told me they were cutting her off I had one more exam to go. However, I left all the paperwork and notifying to my boyfriend as I had to return home. Me and the rest of my family then spent several days with her at the hospital until she didn’t have any power left. On the 3rd of June at 16.45 my beloved mother fell permanently asleep.

{Me, Dad and Mum on Christmas Eve 2011}

At the age of 21 I was without my best friend and my mother. At the age of 22 there is still a big gap where she used to be, however, my mother wished me nothing but happiness.  And out of respect for her I will try my best to remain happy today.